The Other Side of Happy
Tay and I were talking yesterday afternoon and he expressed some concern over the fact that I've not been myself lately and have been somewhat quiet and withdrawn. It's been a contradiction of how I've been presenting myself on my blog - everything I've posted about my surgery has been mostly positive and upbeat and so he's been concerned.
He had a valid point and it got me thinking - lately, I have been painting a pretty positive picture on my blog about my surgery and the whole experience, but the reality of the experience hasn't been as perhaps as flowery as I've depicted. I haven't lied on my blog, or exaggerated, but I have consciously provided only the good stuff, the stuff that I wanted people to hear - stuff that I thought would make them not worry. So for the most part, while the surgery and my recovery has gone as well as to be expected, there are things about it that sucks, and that have caused me to be not quite myself the past couple of weeks.
1) Not eating properly
2) Not being able to exercise
3) Feeling weak and tired all the time (because of 1 & 2)
4) Being cooped up in the house (because of 3)
5) Struggling to stay still and not being on the go constantly (because of 4)
6) Missing my job, my coworkers, the people at the gym, the CITY (because of 4&5)
In theory, none of these things should have had the impact they've had on me because (as Tay said) I've had plenty of time to prepare for what was to be expected following my surgery and, when it comes down to it, my surgery was an elective one - all of this was, in reality, my decision.
But I don't think there's really any way to prepare for something that basically changes your life and everything you're able to do on a day to day basis. I was trying to explain it to Tay and finally I told him to think about what it feels like to have a cold - for a couple of days you're miserable because you're not yourself - you're weak, you're tired, you don't feel like talking or eating or doing much of anything other than vegging in front of the couch. Then I told him to take those feelings and multiply them by say, 8, and that's been the past couple of weeks for me. I miss eating, I miss exercising, I miss having the option to come and go and I really miss being in the city and being part of the downtown bustle. I miss the adrenaline of facing each day's challenges. It hasn't been easy.
It's all worth it though, I know that much, and I know that after it's over and done with, it's not going to seem that bad when I look back on it. It's why I can be so positive on my other blog because I know this to be true. In fact, I still maintain that if I had too, I would do it all over again, but the second time round, I'd be better prepared for what to expect. In the meantime, the sun is finally shining and it's a crisp fall day - Charlotte is charging and I haven't had a chance to get outside with our new camera so I'm going to dress warm and go for a long walk and hopefully, that will be a step in the right direction to feeling more like myself again.
He had a valid point and it got me thinking - lately, I have been painting a pretty positive picture on my blog about my surgery and the whole experience, but the reality of the experience hasn't been as perhaps as flowery as I've depicted. I haven't lied on my blog, or exaggerated, but I have consciously provided only the good stuff, the stuff that I wanted people to hear - stuff that I thought would make them not worry. So for the most part, while the surgery and my recovery has gone as well as to be expected, there are things about it that sucks, and that have caused me to be not quite myself the past couple of weeks.
1) Not eating properly
2) Not being able to exercise
3) Feeling weak and tired all the time (because of 1 & 2)
4) Being cooped up in the house (because of 3)
5) Struggling to stay still and not being on the go constantly (because of 4)
6) Missing my job, my coworkers, the people at the gym, the CITY (because of 4&5)
In theory, none of these things should have had the impact they've had on me because (as Tay said) I've had plenty of time to prepare for what was to be expected following my surgery and, when it comes down to it, my surgery was an elective one - all of this was, in reality, my decision.
But I don't think there's really any way to prepare for something that basically changes your life and everything you're able to do on a day to day basis. I was trying to explain it to Tay and finally I told him to think about what it feels like to have a cold - for a couple of days you're miserable because you're not yourself - you're weak, you're tired, you don't feel like talking or eating or doing much of anything other than vegging in front of the couch. Then I told him to take those feelings and multiply them by say, 8, and that's been the past couple of weeks for me. I miss eating, I miss exercising, I miss having the option to come and go and I really miss being in the city and being part of the downtown bustle. I miss the adrenaline of facing each day's challenges. It hasn't been easy.
It's all worth it though, I know that much, and I know that after it's over and done with, it's not going to seem that bad when I look back on it. It's why I can be so positive on my other blog because I know this to be true. In fact, I still maintain that if I had too, I would do it all over again, but the second time round, I'd be better prepared for what to expect. In the meantime, the sun is finally shining and it's a crisp fall day - Charlotte is charging and I haven't had a chance to get outside with our new camera so I'm going to dress warm and go for a long walk and hopefully, that will be a step in the right direction to feeling more like myself again.
